Tuesday, October 28, 2008

God is Baller

Heaven the game

Everything about it is absolutely hilarious and simultaneously slightly disturbing.

The game is set a fantastically opulent heaven, complete with an Aryan Jesus (it's whiter than Maine up there) and a blonde buxom beauty as your guide (there's totally going to be a hot coffee mod for this whenever it's released).

Calling this depiction of heaven "opulent" is a tad of an understatement on my part. It's more baller than Dave Chappelle on MTV Cribs - the streets are paved in gold, with gleaming crystal skyscrapers and assorted precious gems everywhere. Combined with your unabashedly arousing companion, it's obvious that this is some poor, sexually-repressed Christian's fantasy land writ large, especially since the site painstakingly tries to depict their heaven as completely biblical.

Damn it, all this time I thought heaven was basically a cloudy version of Elysium, a place where the dead get to live in bliss with their loved ones again (which is odd, because a lot of people dread having their relatives over), and eventually rejected it as a childish fantasy land. If only I knew there was going to be gold!

Is it too late to reconvert?

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