Church removes crucifix for being too scary-looking

This story still has me in stitches. It's like an irony onion, layer upon layer of folly.

Basically, a church removed its own crucifix because it was "too scary" and conflicted with their Christian mission of hope and happiness.

Rev Souter, formerly a cell biologist, said: "The crucifix expressed suffering, torment, pain and anguish. It was a scary image, particularly for children.

"Parents didn't want to walk past it with their kids, because they found it so horrifying.

"It wasn't a suitable image for the outside of a church wanting to welcome worshippers. In fact, it was a real put-off.

Indeed, it is horrifying - a man brutally tortured and killed. But you know, that's sort of the whole basis of Christianity.

This part is pure genius:

"We're all about hope, encouragement and the joy of the Christian faith. We want to communicate good news, not bad news, so we need a more uplifting and inspiring symbol than execution on a cross."

Yeah. We're all about sharing Jesus here. You know, that guy who was crucified...oh wait.

What's going to replace the crucifix? A nice, shiny "ultra-modern stainless steel cross". Modernity's a-knockin'.

I like the deadpan snark from one churchgoer who disapproved of the change:

One long-standing member of the church, who asked not to be named, said: "The crucifix is the oldest and most famous symbol of the Christian church.

"Pulling it down and putting up something that would look more at home on the side of a flashy modern shopping centre is not the way to get more bums on seats.

"Next they'll be ripping out the pews and putting sofas in their place, or throwing out all the Bibles and replacing them with laptops. It's just not right."